My first post!

Okay, well here goes nothing - my first post! A blank white page is quite daunting, but not as daunting as the words I need to write.
I am just existing. My life revolves around hours of sleeping, eating, sitting and feeling pained. I have about a two hour window each day in which I am with my children, that is my fake face time. I have all day to work up to it, just two little hours I have to pretend life is a bed of roses.
My children are my world, the only reason I get myself out of bed in the mornings.
I'm a 37 year old woman from Lincoln, uk. I was once a professional working mum, but that was too much. I have self harmed since I was at least 7, I have depression with pychcosis and severe anxiety.
I look normal. I stand in the playground with all of the other mums and dads and I blend in. I don't display the years of abuse I've inflicted on my body, I don't talk back to my voices or talk to the people that others don't see. I don't show that I am broken inside.
I'm blogging to help me with my 'recovery' my embankment to become a 'normal' human being, to stop the two hour fake face, and become the strong, independant individual I once was.